Jealous

“Jealous?!” I shrieked. “I am not jealous!” Even over the pulsating sounds of the latest reggaeton bass, dogs could surely hear me. I just wished that my best friend since I was ten could hear me. I knew she could hear me but she was just being a pain in the ass.

“Oh, yes you are! Catalina, I don’t know why you let a fuck boy get under your skin like that,” Jaz argued as she pursed her lips to reapply her signature burgundy lip color.

“First off, he’s not a fuck boy—”

“Oh, no?”

“Nope.”

“Then why do you always answer his three A.M. phone calls? Wasn’t it to fuck?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, but that doesn’t make him—”

“Ha! He was and forever will be a fuck boy.”

I stood off to the side, as one by one, women came in and out of the bathroom stalls of this nightclub that Jaz dragged me to. On a normal night, it would’ve been fine. On a normal night where I didn’t have deadlines to make at work, a whole team to oversee, laundry to do, bills to pay, and not to mention, this guy I used to mess with being here…it all would’ve been fine.

I began to tap my toes that were bondaged into these sky high shoes.

Jaz gave me side eye as she continued to fix her makeup. “Listen, Cat, I know it started off as a sex only thing but you got attached—”

I quickly straightened up. “I did not!”

Jaz turned to face me, crossing her arms, and giving me a look like a disappointed teacher. “You did! and I’m not knocking you, that man is fine as hell, but…are you going to let a pretty smile ruin your night?”

That’s the thing with people. They never realize that he is more than a pretty smile. “He’s not ruining my night.”

“As soon as you saw him walk in with someone else, your mood completely changed.”

I let out a stream of air from my lungs. She was right. I was jealous. Only because it was the best sex of my life. He knew what to do with my body without me asking. He knew that he needed to be the dominant one and I just needed to be whatever he wanted me to be. I just wanted to please him.

“When was the last time?” Jaz’s voice penetrated my thoughts.

“Two weeks ago.”

I shook my head at her as she gave me the look of deepest sympathy that just made me feel pathetic. I was a beautiful, volumptous woman, who was sexy as hell! I’m smart and confident. My mini-dress left nothing to the imagination and I was feeling good until I spotted him. I knew he saw me too! As soon as our eyes connected, my pussy melted and I ran to the bathroom with Jaz before he could reach me.

“Jaz, please, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” she breezed passed me and I had no choice but to follow her back into the club. The music got even louder, so I got closer to her so she could hear me. “Like…I’m a lost cause!”

“You are!” she yelled back. We made it to the bar and she leaned over the top to grab the attention of the bartender with her massive cleavage. “Two fireballs!” she ordered with a wink.

I scanned the club, the music moving my hips as I looked around for a rebound. I didn’t want to keep arguing with Jaz. She was right.

What was supposed to just be sex, changed almost overnight for me. We were both attached to other people but there was an attraction that I didn’t want to let go of. So, we indulged. I admit that we are both bad people who pretend to be good.

But sometimes being good when you don’t want to be is…exhausting.

At least with Carlos, I could do what I want and say what I want and be who I am with no judgements. He was supportive and only gave advice when it warranted. But, things started to change when sex nights turned into long conversations and I got to see another side of him. A smart, funny, sweet, determined side. So many different faucets and I was always so interested to find and learn more.

In turn, I told him things that I’ve never revealed to another person. He was always so good to me. His smile was everything. He claims there was no braces involved but his smile could make a woman give up her bank account information with no hesistation.

Now, here I am, having a panic attack induced search party for the next booty call. All in hopes to forget about him.

It was like our eyes called to eachother because no matter where I looked, my gaze always found him…staring right back. It didn’t matter that he had a girl on his lap.

I still wanted him.

Sex with Carlos made me feel like a pleasure goddess. I felt the sexiest and beautiful when I was with him. And now…my heart ached because he wasn’t mine to have. I had no right to him. No right to feel the way I feel because from the start it was “no strings attached.” We just fuck and go back to reality after.

Until the night we actually talked about life and I let him into my world.

“Stop looking at him, it’s just gonna give him the nerve to come over here.”

“You’re right.”

“About being jealous?”

“That too.”

Jaz handed me my drink and pulled me along with her. “There’s some guys who was asking about you earlier.”

I dug my heels into the sticky floor. “Jaz, no!” she knew I wasn’t the bold type. But I was for Carlos.

Chemistry was always there, at social events, work, on double dates with our partners…but nothing beyond flirty…until he gave me the cold shoulder at a party and I couldn’t find my voice then but when I locked myself in a bathroom stall, liquid courage took over and I sent him a text that sometimes I regret.

6 months ago:

In the text, I admitted that he was confusing.

“where are you?” He replied almost immediately.

“In the bathroom”

“Where’s Max?”

“Headed home.”

“Meet me outside”

I met him outside without a word. His eyebrows were low in thought. “What’s confusing to you, Cat?”

“You! Do you want me or not?!” I hated how I wanted him. My boyfriends best friend. Forbidden fruit.

Why do we always want what we can’t have?

He rubbed the back of his neck as he threw his head back and laughed. As if he couldn’t believe the nerve I had.

I felt the heat rise to my face, embarrassment overtook my body and then anger. I don’t know why I was dumb enough to think he wanted me just because he smiled at me sometimes. Just because I’ve caught him staring at me sometimes.

It didn’t mean anything.

“Forget I said anything,” I began to stomp away before I embarrassed myself further. I didn’t get far because I felt his hand wrap around my wrist. Just that small touch sent chills down my spine as arousal and awareness spread.

“What about Max?”

I shook my head in hopes that my head would clear, and it didn’t. I didn’t want to talk about Max.

“Do you want me?” I asked. All I could think was missing out on something that I really wanted, no matter how selfish that made me.

“Yes.”

I nodded because I didn’t know what to do next. He reached for my hand and began to pull me along with him. “Where we going?” I asked. My steps faltering as I tried to keep up with his long strides.

He didn’t answer. We made it to his car. There was no one around; everyone was back in the club or sound asleep in bed. Carlos took the chance to pin me against it , the cool metal frame against my back as my mind was nothing but static. “You want me to touch you?” His voice was low against my ear.

“Yes,” I breathed. I could barely wrap my head around what was happening before his hand journeyed up my leg and under my dress.

He cupped my sex and I couldn’t stop my moan from escaping. I just needed his finger to rub against that one spot… “I need you to understand one thing.” His deep voice was menacingly low.

“What?” I asked. I couldn’t get enough oxygen.

“I run this.”

My heart raced as I waited in anticipation for his next move. He nodded towards the car. “Get in.”

I practically ran towards the passenger side, ripping the door open. “Where are we going?”

“To my place. Imma have you to myself.”

I sat back against the leather seats, we barely pulled out the parking spot and his hand was back on my leg. I reached out to caress his hardness and he moved away from me. “I didn't say you could touch.”

“And?” I quipped back as my way of flirting.

“Imma say it again; you don’t run this.” I wanted to smack the cocky grin off his face.

But, he was saved because I could feel my pussy pulsating at just his words. I could only imagine what his touch would do, what his lips could do. This man hadn’t even kissed me yet and I could already feel the wetness on my thong.

His fingers lazily traced circles on my knee; it took everything I had in me to keep them close. If he decided to pull over and finger fuck me, I wouldn’t stop him. Ten minutes in this car and it felt like hours; my body was just reacting to his presence. My nipples strained against my silk dressed, feening; wanting his mouth on me.

He drove into the garage that was between two luxury apartment buildings. I slowly turned to him. “Are you Batman?”

He flashed a genuine smile and it felt like I won the jackpot. “You funny.” His head rolled slowly towards' me and he took his time taking me in. “You think I’m Batman?” he asked with a grin.

“I don’t know…I don’t know if Batman is as cocky as you are?”

There was a slight raise of his eyebrow as he chuckled at my response. “Are you sure you want to come up?” he asked.

“You think I shouldn’t?”

“I think it’s up to you.”

“I think you have a say too.” I dared to look into his eyes. “You can always say no.” I added. I really hoped he didn’t say no.

“Cat, if we don’t get out of this car, I’m going to fuck you right here.”

“I want it,” I whispered.

He nodded his understanding. We raced to the elevators and we awkwardly stood inside; our eyes connected in the reflection of the metal doors.

My chest rose and fell with each ding of the floor. He turned to me and pulled me close, his hands grabbed the back of hair and pulled my head back so that my lips were pointed straight up. His kiss was electric. Intense.

I moaned into his mouth. His teeth scraped against my lips, biting the bottom. His fingers dove under my dress, bypassing my thong. I was so slick that his fingers entered easily. My eyes closed at the sheer ecstasy.

“Look at that,” he teased. “You’re already wet for me.”

The elevator chimed and I whimpered as his fingers slid out. His look was intense as he licked my pussy juice off his fingers.

Carlos grabbed my hand, pulling me down the quiet, carpeted hallway of his floor. No sooner was the door shut that our lips found each other in the dark apartment. I could taste myself on his tongue and I reached out for his hardness. He pulled away. “Get on your knees,” he commanded. I didn’t think twice about it. I wanted his dick in me, I didn’t care how.

I was impatient, I reached out to assist in the unzipping but he stepped back and reached for my chin. “No. Be a good girl and listen. I’m going to take it out. You want my dick so bad, you’re going to suck it first, got it?”

My mouth watered at the thought.

“Hands behind your back.”

I obeyed.

He slowly unzipped his pants, his cocky grin in place as my eyes widened at the mere sight of him. He knew he was big. He knew that I would be impressed. There was a reason for him to be so arrogant. He stroked himself slowly as he took a step towards me. “Suck it.”

I opened my mouth. I sucked him slowly, unsure of myself and of what he liked. I heard is groan and that pushed me to keep sucking. Carlos gripped my hair in fistfuls. “Suck it harder.”

He pumped his dick into my mouth, fucking it to the back of my throat. I sucked the head just like he asked. “Use your tongue.” His voice was low and my pussy needed…something. I couldn’t resist; I used my fingers to stroke myself. “No, who said you could play with your pussy? Hands behind your back.” I reluctantly obeyed. “Now, look up at me when you suck my dick.”

When I looked up at him, he stroked his dick deeper into my mouth, holding me in place while he stilled. “Take it all the way in.”

My eyes began to tear up from the strain on my throat from his cock slowly going down. I tried to pull away. “No way, you can do it. Take it. Breath through your nose.”

I tried to. But it was too much. I gagged, pushing against him. I felt tears slide down my face, my saliva dripping down my chin. His reassuring smile made me want to try again. I spit on his dick, pumping his cock with my hands until I finally deep throated him again. “Good girl,” he groaned. He gripped my throat. “I want to feel my shit down here,” he said, lightly squeezing my throat.

“Your pussy still wet?” He asked.

“Mmmhmm,” was all I could answer with his cock in my mouth.

“Go to the bedroom,” He pointed in the direction of the room. I followed his direction and entered the dark room. The city lights that trickled in through the window helped me make out the bed. “Lay down.”

“Are you going to fuck me now?” I dared to ask. I knew he was running the show but I wanted to make sure I was going to get fucked. I needed it…bad.

He smirked. “Lay down, Imma eat it first.”

Carlos helped me take off my slinky little dress, throwing it over his shoulder before he undressed fully. He gently pushed me towards the bed. I laid back and spread my legs. I waited in anticipation with my eyes closed. When he didn’t move, I opened my eyes but said nothing.

He knelt between my legs, reaching out with his fingers, rubbing my swollen clit. I arched my back and moaned. “Pretty pussy. Look at that pretty pussy.”

His praise sent shocks through my body. In that moment I felt his warm tongue against my clit, I instantly arched my back, my hands tangled in his hair and I rubbed his face all in it.

This was the sensation I needed. I was starting to feel the slow burn in my belly. My moans began to get louder. “Ahhh, Carlos. Just like that, just like that,” I chanted.

I came without further warning. I felt his finger begin to fuck me, then two. Making my orgasm that much more intense; I rode the waves on his fingers.

But his fingers didn’t let up. “Carlos, it’s too much.” I tried to push his fingers out.

With his other hand, he held my hips in place. “Let’s see how many fingers I can fit inside you.” In the dark I could see the gleam in his eye. My pussy stretched against his third and fourth fingers. It was the craziest thing. There was slight pain in the pleasure, but the pleasure won out and I started to feel the build up of my climax again.

Then I felt his tongue and fingers working again. I looked down to see him staring right at me, as if my pleasure was all that mattered at the moment.

That’s what sent me over the edge.

I heard the tear of the condom wrapper over my cries and opened my eyes to see him rolling the latex down his hardened cock. He climbed between my legs, rubbing his dick against me. “I want it,” I moaned, arching my hips so he could finally enter me.

I just wanted to be fucked.

“You want it?”

“Yes,” I squeaked.

Without further delay, he entered me. I arched my back, my breast bouncing to his thrusts. He bent down taking them in his mouth. “God. You’re pussy is so tight,” he praised. “It’s so wet.” He sucked on my nipple as he thrust deeper into me.

My mind didn’t have time to do anything but feel.

He flipped me over onto my knees, slapping my ass as he did. He adjusted my hips and entered me again. Carlos’s thrust were fast and deep. With his big cock, it was the tiniest bit uncomfortable. I began to pull away. “Uh Uh. Where you think you going? You wanted this right?”

I did. I didn’t want to stop.

He pulled me back down on his cock. “You gonna take all of it,” he groaned into my ear. He took a fistful of my hair and pulled my head back, bringing my pussy down deeper onto his cock.

I wanted to come. I wanted to come so bad. Sweat dripped from his body onto my back, causing goosebumps to spread across my flesh. He spanked my ass again, and again, and again. I knew without looking that it was red. It would be tender tomorrow.

But tonight I didn’t give two fucks.

My climax was like a wave showering over me. I felt my whole body tense up, my pussy squeezing tight around his cock as I came all over it. I couldn’t hold back my cries of passion. “That’s right, get yours. Cum all over my dick.” My pussy clenched and squeezed him tighter, squeezing him out. “Don’t do that. Don’t squeeze me out,” he chastized before entering me again.

I clenched at the headboard. “Carlos!” I moaned.

“Carlos, what? Huh? Carlos, what?”

“It feels good,” was all I could say. Because it did and I couldn’t think of words to formulate a proper phrase or sentence that would describe how fucking good it all felt.

My moans turned to screams, as his moans turned to grunts. I felt the sweat drip between our bodies. When his pumps began to get frantic, he pulled out of me. “Come here, open your mouth,” he instructed as he slipped the condom off.

I opened wide and sucked on his dick until he came in my mouth. He held my head in place, as I swallowed every last drop of his cum.

He slowly stroked his dick, getting out the last few droplets. He collected it on his fingers, “Be a good girl and clean it up.”

I leaned forward and licked his fingers, taking them in so deep that I gagged. “Good girl,” he admired.

After I sucked the cum from his finger one final time, I sat back. Feeling fully exposed, maybe because I had nothing on and just finished swallowing his cum. But, Carlos didn’t move. He took me in, starting at the top of my head, down my body to my toes and back up again.

“Are you good?” I whispered, not really sure if we were still playing the dom/sub roles anymore or if we were back to reality.

He gave a shadow of a smile. “I’m more than good. I’m phenomenal.” He leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss, which at this point seemed far too innocent after what we had just done. Before he could pull away, I leaped at him, devouring his full lips, licking whatever of my essence he still had on his face. He groaned and deepened the kiss. Our tongues mingled and once again, I could feel the stirring of my desire.

I knew I was lost.

I pulled away slightly. “You think we’d be good after tonight?”

His head tilted to the side at the audacity of my question. “What?”

“You think it’s this one night and we’d be good? We'd be one and done?” I couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

His hands combed through my hair, pulling gently at the nape of my neck. When are eyes finally connected, he slowly shook his head. “I wish that were true, but no.” Carlos kept his voice low and the look that fell over his face was the way I felt.

“Am I a bad person?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m the bad guy.”

“We’re bad people,” I added. Reality started to set in as the heat from our fucking started to subside. “You have Sasha and I have Max…they don’t deserve this, we’re bad people,” I whispered as he took his place in bed beside me.

His head lolled to one side, giving me a pointed look. “Do you want this to be one and done?”

My heart beat ridiculously fast at the thought of this being the only night I get to have him. Because at this point, I’d have him anyway I could. I couldn’t find my voice so, I shook my head.

He nodded.

“You could always say no,” I quickly added so the poor man didn’t feel obligated to be in this just because I was being needy.

“I know.” he assured me.

We laid in silence, the weight of our transgression falling around us but never towards us. We were safe in our bubble.

Present day:

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But, it won’t hurt just to dance,” Jaz reminded me.

My body was already ready for Carlos and I wasn’t even near him, I just knew he was staring. My body always reacted to his look.

“I know.”

Jaz sighed and crossed her arms. “You want him?”

I quickly nodded, embarrassed at my naiveté. I knew that we can’t be together. He had Sasha, and many more, and I was dragging poor Max along.

Poor Max; he deserved so much better than me. I felt my heart racing, the same way it was when I worked up the nerve to send that stupid text message that started the whole thing.

I looked over my shoulder and his girl had left to go to the bar. It’s now or never. I couldn’t stop my feet even if I wanted to.

“Cat!” Jaz called after me.

I click clacked over to him. His slow grin greeted me but my poker face was strong. “Hey, Cat. You good?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not,” I answered and his face turned serious. “I’m going to tell you this one time and one time only…”

I took a deep breath. “I love you. And that’s why we can’t keep doing this.” He tried to speak and I stopped him. “I’m jealous. I have no right to you. I don’t blame you. We said it was going to be just sex. But…I love you and it’s too much for me. I’m one of many and…I don’t like it.”

Sasha came over with her drink. “Hey, Cat. I didn’t know you were here.”

“I was just saying hi. I’m gonna go.”

Carlos’ face revealed nothing and I felt like a fool.

“Bye,” I said as I walked away.

I didn’t look for Jaz. I headed straight home.

I ugly cried in the Uber.

At least I put my heart out there. Even if it was just for a limited time, and it wasn’t perfect, I loved.

I sat in my dark kitchen, contemplating my life and the unexpected twists it’s taken.

I wouldn’t change any of it.

No regrets.

A timid knock sounded and my heart raced. I knew.

I ran to the door.

Carlos.

We said nothing.

I stepped aside to let him in.