The Hot Mess of Taking a Break
Hello Besties,
It’s been a while!
Just so you guys are in the know, I’ve had a lot of personal things go down last year. Also, my mind wasn’t the nicest to me. Because of all that, I took an entire year off. I did the bare minimum when it came to anything creative.
I wouldn’t classify it as writers block. There was a ton of external things that began to effect me internally and that set me on the path to complete shut down.
I know.
I have no one to blame but myself.
But I am here to tell you that, taking a break is not a bad thing. The time away from everything, and therapy, really made me realize what it is that i really want, I really need, and all the things that is worth my time.
The day job is going well. They had a realignment, which made me believe that I was going to be unemployed and it set my mind reeling into all the scenarios. I couldn’t stop thinking about the possible pivot that I’d have to make. Just like everyone else, i have bills, and a kid, and a house…I needed this job.
Or at the least, it felt like I did. I know now, that was just fear and worry causing me to think that.
But, in that moment of uncertainty, along the step back from writing and creativity, it gave me a chance to refocus. It gave me a chance to really sit down and ask myself what it is that I really wanted. For some, you don’t really know what you want until something forces you to realize what it is that you want.
It’s not the ideal situation to figure shit out.
But looking back on it, I’m glad it happened.
For the past year and a half, I had focused on the things that was not benefitting me and my dreams. Looking back, my focus was so strong on the wrong things that I was blinded.
Shit hitting the fan was the best thing to ever happen to me. It forced me into therapy, it forced me to really sit down and revisit my vision board and update it.
When I say that everything that I was working towards was collecting dust, I AM NOT JOKING.
So, with all that let me tell you what I’ve done to get back on track.
updating my vision board:
Vision boards are so important to me. I started vision boards in 2018, and I’ve been obsessed ever since. Vision boards let me see my goals and motivates me to doing the things I need to do to obtain it. When we lived in the city, I used to have my board hanging right next to my bed so I can see it as soon as I woke up. I would break it up into sections like: family, work, career, writing, hobbies, health, ect.
Break it up into whatever categories help you. This is my way of manifesting, and aligning my energy on where it needs to be. I don’t have my board hanging. I have it as my computer screen saver, my lock screen, etc.
It’s still accessible, and because I update it whenever necessary.
I recentered myself with my family.
I don’t want to put my business out there, but I cut ties with a ton of people who I thought I’d have forever. If I’m being honest, that sent me into a spiral. I felt like I had no one to confide in, no one to vent to…it was a lot of crying.
Then I started to realize that my family was there. I realized they were my ride or die. They were with me even if sometimes I was the bad guy.
Because of that, family time is super important to me. I hadn’t realized how far I had let quality time evaporate from my life. It felt like we were all roomates just trying to make it through.
Now, I look forward to spending time with my people, and I look forward to laughing with them.
I started making my writing a priority again.
If you follow me on the socials, you already know that I’ve been posting consistently. Along with finishing overdue projects, I’ve been posting just to get the word out. If I want people to know about my writing, I need to tell people about my writing. I’ve also, expanded to a podcast, and currently I’m revamping my website.
In the act of making my writing a priority, I’ve also reached out to bookstores, and libraries to see they can host me for a signing or talk or whatever event. And now I have a couple of events coming up.
I noticed that if I don’t put myself out there and leave the door open to receive my blessings, then I’ll just be blocking all the good stuff.
I am familarizing myself with what is toxic in certain relationships and learning to avoid and let go.
I’m learning that even in friendships there can be some toxicity. Sometimes we ignore the signs because these people are familiar and have been around for a while. But sometimes it’s okay to let go. I’ve learned that if it irritates me, if it the funny banter turns into hurtful words, if I’m not cool with certain actions, or if my actions towards someone isn’t so great, it’s okay for me to step back or let go. I’m learning to love myself again. I’m learning that being in my own company is enough. I’m learning that I gotta love me before I love others. I’m learning that loving myself is about not putting up with shitty friendships, or frenemies.
I love hanging in the silence of my tranquility. Everything and everyone I choose to have in my life should be just a bonus and adding value to my life.
and lastly…
I’ve been grateful.
I don’t want to say I’ve been praying because I feel like people who “know me” would probably be like “but you’re not religious.”
But I don’t care at this point.
You don’t have to be in church everyday or “religious” to talk to the universe or a higher being, or to have gratitude. I was driving to work one morning and had an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I began talking to my ancestors, spirit guides, god, goddess, to whoever was listening. I just needed them all to know that through the ups and downs that I am grateful for all the life lessons and blessings I have received. I realize how lucky and blessed I am. I broke out in tears in the car on my way to work just from thanking them all.
I think that is all I’m writing for now. i think this blog will be more than just the hot mess of writing and more about the hot mess of life. Life is ever changing and sometimes we can deal with it and sometimes its a tiny bit harder and messier and we don’t know how to deal with it. 2024 into early 2025 was rough for me. But I’m slowly coming back to myself.
If you guys need to take a break from the bullshit that is bothering you. DO IT!
Get yourself right and I promise you that shit will start to pop off for you.
I think getting my thoughts here, along with this community participating and helping each other out could be highly beneficial for us all.
If you like this blog, tune in to THE HOT MESS PODCAST every monday morning. We discuss a variety of topics and sometimes we conquer them step by step.
Thank you for reading! I missed you guys!
Now, go and have a great week!
Love you!